


Mick Rory's Survival Guide to the Snart Siblings

by AgelessWriter



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Implied Romance, Lewis Snart's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mick Rory wrote a guide book, slightly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 18:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6669325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgelessWriter/pseuds/AgelessWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mick's been around the Snarts for years and years. This is the guide he wrote. telling how to deal with these... Interesting siblings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One: Lisa Snart

Mick Rory's Survival Guide to the Snart Siblings

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Anyone unusual is an OC. Everyone else...? They are owned by DC Comics and the CW bigwigs.

 

 

 

Part One: Lisa Marie Snart

 

Names: Lisa, Lise, Brat, Trainwreck(at Len's discretion), Goldie(after that Ramone kid named her Golden Glider), Golden Glider, Girlie, Bitch(if, and only if, Len can't hear you), Twerp, Kid, Kiddo, Lisarella(once, when she was 9 and insisted she was going to be the next Cinderella)

 

Height: Tall for most women. Probably the damn heels she likes.

 

Weight: Asked once, got punched. That was when I learned which Snart really threw punches like no tomorrow.

 

Background: Basically my little sister. Don't fuck with her unless you want me knocking on your door. I mean, you think Len's bad... You've not met me. Sweet as a kid, Len gave her everything their sperm donor didn't. Which is probably why she's the little bit-brat that she is. Wild child because Len lets her.

 

Likes: That Cisco kid for some reason... Though he does make some pretty sweeet guns. But seriously? Why him? Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows because for some fucking reason the Snarts have to have marshmallows in their hot chocolate. My cooking(don't like to brag, but those idiots would've starved to death without me, Len can't even cook ramen noodles without burning something). Cheesy Disney films... Why? I dunno. And, like her brother, she's a fucking dork when it comes to sci-fi movies, like those Star Trek/Star Wars thing... She also enjoys the party scene. A little too much if you ask her brother....

 

Dislikes: Need you ask? Okay... Certain alcoholic beverages are a no-go because their dear old sperm donor, Lewis, enjoyed them. So no Bud Light, no grocery store wine, and for the love of the Snart siblings' sanity, DO NOT EVER DRINK JACK DANIEL'S AROUND THEM. No hardcore drugs, her brother would kill her. “One must keep a clear head at all times, Sis.”(His exact words... Sort of... He tends to ramble more.) People who steal what she was going to steal... Something about having a code of honor. (Also, be warned, anyone coming into contact with Cisco Ramon is subject to being stalked by this particular Snart, especially if interest is shown by Cisco.)

 

Age: I know this... But I'm not supposed to tell. Something about her being a woman I think....

 

Likely Places To Spot This Snart: Her flat, where she is probably going to either be passed out from a party or heavily making out with her next bedmate. A party, doesn't matter which party either, so long as it's a party (and there's something of value to... Borrow...). Saints and Sinners... Like brother, like sister on that one. My place, for whatever reason... Usually when she and Len have a fight. Jitters (see her obsession with the Cisco kid.) And for some reason, Star Labs (seriously, does she want Flash to catch her?)

 

Signs That This Snart Isn't Doing Too Well Either Emotionally, Physically, or Mentally: She gets the look in her eye, like she's glass-eyed. If she's sick, she'll vehemently deny it, but her skin'll be paler than her brother's. Also if she's sick, she's more theatrical and dramatic... Then again... She is a Snart... She also tends to favor her right side if she's been in a fight... For some reason, she always gets attacked there. If it's something emotional or mental, watch for her touching her shoulder... She's got a scar there... How she got it, she'll tell you if she wants you to know. (Hint: If I had been there, I'd've burned him on the spot.) She also tends to retreat to her room to 'read'(the kid reads, but not often, so if she publicly announces she's going to her room to read, she's probably more or less having a break down.). She won't be wearing the makeup or wigs. Won't be dressed up, or will be wearing one of her brother's (or my) shirts.

 

How To Approach This Snart When It Is In Distress: Carefully. She's not as cruel as her brother, but she's not too fond of accepting help either. Tread carefully. Talk, let her come to you. When she does come to you, make sure she sees your hands and where you put them so you can have a nice hold on her and then let her cry or scream or whatever she needs to do to get it out (be warned this may include getting your shoulder punched/dislocated/or bitten).

 

How To Approach This Snart Normally: She'll approach you. She always does. And if you approach her first, she'll likely tear you down to shreds faster than the Flash could save you.

 

Method Of Destruction: Emotional manipulation of others to do her dirty work. Guns. That nice little gold gun of hers specifically. And of course, her words. She's a Snart after all, it's like, in their blood to be able to make people cry just by saying one or two words. And of course, me... If she asks nicely.

 

Favorite Type Of Loot: MONEY! AND GOLD. AND JEWELRY.

 

Limits: Child Abuse or anything that could hurt a child is a no-go. Ever. And Cisco is a limit(and for some reason, Len agrees to let her say that?) Anyone saying anything awful (no matter how true it is) about her brother. According to her, “Lenny may be a jerk. And an asshole. And dick. But I'm the only one allowed to pick on him for it... Except maybe Mick. But he's an asshole too.” *

 

*Yes. I am an asshole... But I give a damn about them... So I can't be too bad.

 


	2. Part Two: Leonard Snart

                        Mick Rory's Survival Guide to the Snart Siblings

                                                                        Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Anyone unusual is an OC. Everyone else...? They are owned by DC Comics and the CW bigwigs.

 

 

 

                        Part Two: Leonard Eugene Snart

 

Names: Leonard (mostly Blondie calls him that). Lenny (Lisa only). Len. Snart. Snark Master. Asshole. Jerk. Bastard. Leo (when he was a kid, and maybe to a very select few, very select). My Boy (his sperm donor’s name for him.) Smartass. Punk. Dumbass. Ticky. Time Master (before we met Captain Asshole). Captain Cold (or just Cold, thanks Ramon).

 

Height: As a teen he was shorter than me… Grew a bit since, but I’m still taller. He may have reached the 6’0 mark.

 

Weight: Not enough to be healthy. Dumbass doesn’t eat like he should. I blame his ‘Dear Old Dad’.

 

Background: Met him juvie. He was a scrawny, punk-ass kid who managed to get these dumbasses on top of him. Without me, he’d have died that day. Dumbass didn’t know how to shut up. Anyway, he’s… Len. Quiet. Not exactly shy, just calculating (usually he calculates whether or not he wants to deal with your ass or not.) Always working on an angle. Not really emotional… But… That’s because of Lewis (damn I wish Rip would let me go back and burn him).

 

Likes: Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows because for some fucking reason the Snarts have to have marshmallows in their hot chocolate. My cooking (don't like to brag, but those idiots would've starved to death without me, again, Len can't even cook ramen noodles without burning something). And, he’s a fucking dork when it comes to sci-fi movies, like those Star Trek/Star Wars thing... Tormenting the Flash (because of course he wants to torment a guy in a red leather suit*). His cold gun. The motherfucking puns (dammit Ramon, you had to give him the name “Captain Cold”). M&Ms. The ones with peanuts in them. Because he’s definitely a badass. He also enjoys tormenting Haircut. (because again, he has a thing for twinks who blush easily…**)

 

Dislikes: Again, certain alcoholic beverages are a no-go because their dear old sperm donor, Lewis, enjoyed them. So no Bud Light, no grocery store wine, and for the love of the Snart siblings' sanity, DO NOT EVER DRINK JACK DANIEL'S AROUND THEM. No hardcore drugs. Marijuana is fine, cocaine, not so much…(had a guy in a crew once… Didn’t go well.) Do not ever back him into a wall or make him feel like he doesn’t have an escape route. He will make one. And he really hates for people to hit on his sister in front of him. Or ask him for her number. Or mention Lisa at all unless they’re one of the golden few. (Seriously, becoming even acquaintances with this asshole is like winning the lottery.)

 

Age: 43. Though he doesn’t show it anywhere but in his hair. (“Makes me look distinguished, Mick. Besides, Lisa’s the only one who really gives a damn about grays.” He says.)

 

Likely Places To Spot This Snart: His home/warehouse/newest safe house/whatever. The library because he’s a fucking nerd who likes to plan his heists in the quiet. Saints and Sinners... My place (though if he’s there while I’m there, always knock… Don’t ask why, but knock.) The museum, the bank, anywhere else that may have something of value. Star Labs (because again, fucking Flash.***). The Waverider. Talking to Gideon/in the weapon room. His bunk. My bunk (again… Knock).

 

Signs That This Snart Isn't Doing Too Well Either Emotionally, Physically, or Mentally: He’s paler than normal (shocking, I know.) He seems to be a little more, harsh in his delivery of ‘winning speeches’. Snart tends to be more reckless too, because he’s not thinking as clearly. Will favor his left side due to an accident that happened a few weeks into his stay at juvie. Will push everyone away, including his beloved little sister. Will say things out of his ass to keep you away (don’t pay any attention to him during these moods). He will be quieter than normal and will have this look in his eyes that says ‘kill me’. Again, don’t. Snart also will go and hide out in his room, don’t let him be alone for long though, as he’s self-destructive, despite his arrogance and egotism.

 

How To Approach This Snart When It Is In Distress: Tread lightly because one misstep or one wrong thing spoken and you’re dead. Not even joking. If it’s because he’s down and out, always make sure to have mini marshmallows and those fucking M&Ms. It’ll help lighten the mood and can be used as a peace offering if he’s pissy. Always make sure he can see your every movement. Make slow and steady movements. Talk about what you’re doing so you don’t ‘spook him’. (Or cause him to pull the trigger). IF he deems you worthy and lets you comfort him, do not consider it weakness or think you can bring it back up in his face. You will be sorely mistaken.

 

How To Approach This Snart Normally: Again, he’ll come to you. Although a few can approach him without him making the first move. Very few.

 

Method Of Destruction: His smart-ass mouth. Seriously, the man never shuts up. Ever. The cold gun and normal guns are other favorites. Good at hand-to-hand too, thanks to yours truly. (me.)

 

Favorite Type Of Loot: Money and Paintings/Artwork. Why the artwork? I dunno. Something about him mother always having an ‘eye for beauty’.

 

Limits: Child Abuse or anything that could hurt a child is a no-go. Ever. Anyone saying a damned thing about Lisa is automatically dead, aside from me. (“Lisa’s a trainwreck and a party girl, but I’m the only one allowed to say anything… Aside from Mick, and that’s only because he helped raise her.”)

 

*I am _not_ jealous of the twink in the Flash suit.

** I am _not_ jealous of Haircut and his fucking puppy dog eyes.

*** _Seriously, I’m not jealous of these twinks. I know who Len beds with, and it ain’t them._


End file.
